XCritic.com: Love Cup

I'd love to show you a high quality photo of this review, because then you'd know how ridiculous this toy truly is. But sadly, even the manufacturer (Doc Johnson) doesn't want this toy on their website. And probably with good reason. Read on for why the Love Cup is all forms of wrong.

The packaging is supposed to be reminiscent of something from the 70s. With flowers in the O & E in the word Love. Here is what Doc Johnson has to say about this specimen: "The petal-like shape of the Love Cup is designed to stimulate the clitoris and vaginal lips simultaneously. Its multi-seed controller delivers fine tuned vibration, while its soft, jellied petals hug her in all the right places. Cup her in bed tonight... with the Love Cup, only from Doc Johnson."

I've had a hard time writing this review, because I can usually find a perk to most toys. The Love Cup is not one of those toys. Upon removing this from the package, I was nearly knocked over, my eyes started watering, the PVC smell quickly filled my living room. I stuck this thing outside in hopes it'd air our a bit. It's a waterproof toy, so I washed it multiple times with multiple cleaners. The smell did reduce a bit, but because I was rightfully concerned that this contained phthalates, I put a condom on it for testing purposes.

I loaded the 2-AA batteries (not included) and slowly turned up the vibration. It mostly turned up, but sometimes would turn off and then start back up again. So much for fine tuned. I put the flower around my vagina, and the light vibration was okay, but nothing to get excited about. The pistal of the flower is supposed to stimulate the clitoris. 1. It feels like it is violently attacking my clit and trying to stab through it. And 2. There is zero vibration transferred from the bullet embedded in the shaft to the pistal. This all adds up to zero clitoral stimulation, which is kind of the point of this toy.

I own quite a few toys. I own enough toys to consider myself knowledgeable. And to be quite honest, this is the worst toy I've ever came across. It's pointless. It provides no pleasure, it smells to high heaven, and most likely contains a host of chemicals that will not ever be coming in contact with my vagina. If there were a lower rating than Skip It, this toy would truly be deserving of it.

Visit XCritic for more sex toy reviews!